Only in the United State!

You won’t be reading my blogs anymore. I am outta here!

I didn’t realize it when I woke up this morning, but forces outside my control were at work, and to be brief—I’m rich! It all happened so fast. No lottery. No sudden hike in book sales.🙂. Nothing that mundane.

Nope, this morning I received an email from Ronald D. Vitiello over at the Office of Us Customs Border Patrol. Actually the heading looked like this:

Office of Us Customs Border Patrol/Ronald Reagan Building, New York/From The Desk of: Ronald D. Vitiello/Chief of the Border Patrol./Attention: Beneficiary

Beneficiary. That’s me! And this wasn’t just from the Border Patrol—it was from the Chief of the Border Patrol…in the Ronald Reagan Building no less. Here’s what happened: apparently I was paying bills a while back and overpaid one of them by about $10,700,000. I’m surprised I didn’t notice it when the bank statement arrived. I’m also kind of surprised I had the funds to cover it. Well anyway, some eagle-eyed observer in Nigeria (Nigeria of all places!) picked up on it and he’s dropping his initial request that I send cash to retrieve it. It’s mine almost free and clear as soon as I send him some form of ID.

Almost free and clear. There is apparently some money (as yet unspecified) I’m required to pay for a UNITED STATE CUSTOMS SERVICE CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE which will then be sent to me, entitling me to the ten mil+…or as the email puts it

Be rest assured that your consignment box will be dispatched to the address you provided as soon as soon as possible.

When someone repeats as soon, you know I’ll be rest assured. And as for the certificate, leave it to the United State to try to make a buck or two.)😡

I know this is all legit because the Chief of the Border Patrol cc’d the email to the Supervisor Manager and Airport Shuttle Keeper. I don’t know which airport, but I’m sure I’ll find out when I get the USCSCC from the USPS ASAP.

So folks, it’s been swell, and I’ve enjoyed your comments and responses; and believe me, I intend to remain the same unpretentious person I’ve always been. But now I’m off to the mall to buy sunglasses for that somewhat lower autumn sun angle—anyone know what time the Louis Vuitton store opens?


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