They used to say, before we all had laptops, that if you gave a million monkeys a million typewriters, in a million years one of them would peck out Moby Dick. After watching Debate II last night, I’m not so sure.
I don’t think a million years would be enough time for Donald Trump to get the simplest things right. You can find the whole transcript here:
but I’ll pick out a few zingers for you in his words, because they aren’t just lies; they appear on paper the ramblings of a madman.
1. TRUMP: But I want to do things that haven’t been done, including fixing and making our inner cities better for the African-American citizens that are so great, and for the Latinos, Hispanics, and I look forward to doing it. It’s called make America great again.
•If this guy ever strode through an inner city, he would know that white Americans also live there, and he might find the other ethnic groups he wants to “help” living in the suburbs, and in the country, and by the seashore. He would know this if he made any effort to learn about the people he wants to help other than refusing to rent apartments to them.
2. ANDERSON COOPER: Just for the record, though, are you saying that what you said on that bus 11 years ago that you did not actually kiss women without consent or grope women without consent?
TRUMP: And women have respect for me. And I will tell you: No, I have not. And I will tell you that I’m going to make our country safe. We’re going to have borders in our country, which we don’t have now. People are pouring into our country, and they’re coming in from the Middle East and other places.
•For one of those million monkeys to type Moby Dick, he would have to have greater powers of concentration than Trump does—just to remember where the keyboard is. The question was about groping women—not about borders or the Middle East. At any rate, apparently women aren’t among those included in his plans to make our country safe.
3. COOPER: You’ve said you want to end Obamacare. You’ve also said you want to make coverage accessible for people with pre-existing conditions. How do you force insurance companies to do that if you’re no longer mandating that every American get insurance?
TRUMP: …You’re going to have plans that are so good, because we’re going to have so much competition in the insurance industry. Once we break out — once we break out the lines and allow the competition to come…
•Ending, as opposed to modifying the Affordable Care Act, means putting lives at risk. Our uninsured rate today is the lowest in history, and Obamacare prevents discrimination against women and any participant with a pre-existing condition. Plans that are so good—those are four words one of the million monkeys might type—maybe even a pack of dogs or a gaggle of geese—thought it’s unlikely any of them would have any idea what the words mean. Just like Donald Trump.
There’s more—it’s never-ending—but you get it. And listen, I know I’ve insulted monkeys, dogs, and geese here, but I have tremendous respect for all animals. And just so you won’t fell depressed, let’s end with a joke.
QUESTION (from audience member Gorbah Hamed): Hi. There are 3.3 million Muslims in the United States, and I’m one of them. You’ve mentioned working with Muslim nations, but with Islamophobia on the rise, how will you help people like me deal with the consequences of being labeled as a threat to the country after the election is over?
TRUMP: Well, you’re right about Islamophobia, and that’s a shame.
[Laughter, applause, exit.]