Oh, the Places You Can’t Go

The Dr. Seuss book, Oh the Places You’ll Go, has been for years a popular graduation gift—humorous but poignant too in its optimism and good cheer.

Don’t buy it. Not yet. It is being revised as editors re-examine the world under Trump, and the places we used to be able to go keep diminishing. Maybe at one time graduates could peruse the book and imagine a world opening up before them, but presenting something like this to a 2017 graduate amounts to little more than taunting.

It’s not all gloom and doom, of course. Iowa is still available, as are Arkansas and North Dakota. Missouri gets a little flood-y in the spring, and watch out for earthquakes in Oklahoma, but still, fifty separate destinations offer a wide choice. No sense complaining, but we just want to advise the prospective buyer of the destinations removed from the book…so far:

Mexico—it’s not the bad hombrés—the USA has more of those—but their president thinks our president is an idiot, and that guilt by association is always a problem. Cancun? No.

Poland—Donald Tusk, president of the European Council has accused the Trump administration of threatening to undo seventy years of American foreign policy. Tusk used to be Poland’s Prime Minister. Relatives in Poland? Nie. Try Skype.

England—Comrade-in-arms Teresa May called Trump’s travel ban “divisive and wrong.” England? Big Ben? Parliament? European Vacation? Not by a bloody longshot.

China—Steve Bannon says we’re going to war in the South China Sea in five to ten years. In case the shooting starts early, you might want to stay away. Shanghai? Beijing?

Australia—Aussie PM Malcolm Turnbull asked Trump to honor a previous deal to resettle refugees. Trump doesn’t want to and hung up on him, then called it the worst phone call of the day. He should know. Next year’s Australian Open? G’bye, mate.

Germany—Angela Merkel also rejected Trump’s travel ban, and many prominent figures consider her the leader of the free world—a position the President of the United States once owned. Heading for the Stauss Festival in Garmisch-Partenkirchen this June?  Nein.

There’s more—and there’s a lot of heavy editing ahead. At the pace the U.S. is making enemies, the completed work may not be ready in time for June gifting. In truth, it may never be ready. Still, the rumor that the title has been changed to The Places You Might Have Gone if 70,000 Voters Had Just Eaten Green Eggs and Ham and Stayed Home with a Stomachache is not verifiable, not even as an alternative fact.

But how about an alternative novel? The Handmaid’s Tale? 1984? Sales are through the roof. Order early.

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