Hmmmmh, bacon

In the 1979 movie Being There, Peter Sellers plays a simple, sheltered man named Chance who has spent all his life in the house of an old man. When the man dies, Chance is released into a world he knows only from television and, through happenstance, ends up Chauncey Gardner, thought to be a political insider. He’s not. Last summer in the National Review Jonah Goldberg compared Gardner to Trump. The difference is (and there are many) that Gardner was a gentle soul being carried along with the tide; Trump is just a dangerous fool. Listen to this Gardner-esque exchange between Times reporters Maggie Haberman and Glenn Thrush and the president:

TRUMP: I think the Susan Rice thing is a massive story. I think it’s a massive, massive story. All over the world, I mean other than The New York Times.
HABERMAN: We’ve written about it twice.
TRUMP: Huh?
HABERMAN: We’ve written about it twice.
TRUMP: Yeah, it’s a bigger story than you know. I think —
HABERMAN: You mean there’s more information that we’re not aware of?
TRUMP: I think that it’s going to be the biggest story

—then later, to “clarify” massive, massive, and massive:

HABERMAN: Sir, if you could give us more information about Rice. If the administration would give us more information —
TRUMP: No, you have a lot of information. No, you have so much information.
HABERMAN: If you would have given it to us last week, we would have written it. Would you declassify some of the information so that —
TRUMP: I don’t want to talk about that.
HABERMAN: No? O.K.
TRUMP: No. I just don’t want to talk about that. It’s such an important story for our country, for the world. What took place.
HABERMAN: Why not talk about it then? With all due respect.
TRUMP: At the right time, I will be.
THRUSH: One last thing on that. Have you actually seen intelligence that leads you to believe that people other than Susan Rice are involved.
TRUMP: I don’t want to comment on anything about — other than to say I think it’s a — I think it’s truly one of the big stories of our time.

—got it, a big story of our time, but not worth talking about or verifying. But on to  infrastructure and who’s in charge of it

TRUMP: Well, we’re working — you know when people said, when you guys, because you know we have a very solid administration. We have some very, very good people. This man was the president of Goldman Sachs. I mean, he was, like, the president of Goldman Sachs.
HABERMAN: I’m very familiar with his work.
TRUMP: And believe me, they wanted him. But he wanted to do something more important. As he said, as big as Goldman Sachs are, it was —
HABERMAN: This is bigger.
TRUMP: — and is. The numbers here are staggering. He did the biggest deals in the world. They were, like, tiny deals. They were like peanut deals. But, but we just have a great group of people.

—Nest time you’re enjoying peanuts, remember, Goldman Sachs probably got them for you in one of those peanut deals…and finally after denouncing America’s airports and highways, this:

THRUSH: On the infrastructure stuff, a couple of quick things. Davis-Bacon [a law that regulates wages on federally funded projects]. Democrats have said that will be a poison pill. Are you going to touch Davis-Bacon? What are you going to do?
TRUMP: We’re going to make an announcement in two weeks —
HABERMAN: Really?
TRUMP: — on Davis-Bacon.
HABERMAN: O.K. Can you give us a hint on where you are?
TRUMP: No.
[Laughter. Cross talk.]
TRUMP: It’s an important question, actually.
[Unintelligible.]
TRUMP: It’s going to be good.

Just like bacon. homer-thinking-smiley-emoticon

If you were writing a comedy and this TRUMP person was your main character—a simpleton who understands very little but thinks he knows everything—you would need to do little more than copy a Trump transcript—any day, any time.

Modifications as you deem necessary.

I’d keep them to a minimum.

2 Replies to “Hmmmmh, bacon”

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